Students Outraged Campus Chick-fil-A Only Open 6 Days A Week, Demand Action

Back in the day students protested for things that made sense, like ending wars, and advocating free speech. Now, students are concerned about a new threat: chicken sandwiches.

A new Chick-fil-A Express plans to start serving students this coming fall at Duquesne University, but some of those brilliant young minds are fearful of what might happen when chicken sandwiches come to town.

“I’ve tried very hard within the last semester and a half to promote this safe environment for the LGBTQ+ community,” says Rachel Curry, president of the school’s gay-straight alliance group known as Lambda. “I fear that with the Chick-fil-A being in Options that maybe people will feel that safe place is at risk.”

While students are free to eat as they please on campus, LGBT(Q,X, and any others I missed) groups fear that having a Chick-fil-A will promote division amongst the student body. I was under the impression that Chick-fil-A made sandwiches, and nuggets. According to some students, they also serve bigotry, with a side of homophobia.

“Chick-fil-A has a questionable history on civil rights and human rights,” says Lambda executive member Niko Martini. “I think it’s imperative the university chooses to do business with organizations that coincide with the [university’s] mission and expectations they give students regarding diversity and inclusion.” Of course, Niko probably doesn’t realize that the school he attends is a private CATHOLIC school, not a public university.

Are kids these days so fragile that a few chicken sandwiches send them over the edge? Couldn’t they just, you know, not eat the sandwiches? They could choose to exemplify tolerance, but instead they try to shut down chicken sandwiches that may disagree with them. It isn’t like chicken sandwiches have to sign off on an individual’s sexuality.

While normal, sane students are enjoying their chicken sandwiches come this fall, there will surely be those who feel oppressed by the sight of a Chick-fil-A. At some point we just have to accept that there will always be crazy people looking to play victim. All we can do is let them whine, and hope they tucker themselves out. They’re just kids, after all.